Dear Santa 2016 by Bob Ryan

dear santaIt’s that time of year….Santa is getting deluged by thousands and thousands of letters….we were able to peek at a few prior to dropping them back into Santa’s “in-box”….

…..Dear Santa, Please send us another Matt Holliday…..Cardinal Glennon Hospital

….Dear Santa, Please send me some more Blues goals…the “Towel Man”

….Dear Santa, Please send me better weather…..I haven’t seen any daylight with the ball for 2 years now…Todd Gurley

….Dear Santa, Please don’t make us wait another 100 years for a World Series Championship team…the Cubs fans

…Dear Santa, Please  let Oklahoma go 12-0 next year…clearly winning a conference championship isn’t good enough and we don’t’ have a playoff..so maybe if we’re 12-0…maybe then…we’ll get a team in the NCS..Bob Bowlsby, Big 12 Commissioner

…Dear Santa….please allow Dexter Fowler to match his 2016 numbers in 2017…Mo

…Dear Santa, Please allow me to “remember when winning conference championships meant something”…the Dr Pepper Vendor Man

…Dear Santa, Please teach the Atlanta folks to cheer when I get 3 straight outs…the StL fans were always pleasantly surprised and happy when that occurred….Jaime Garcia

….Dear Santa, Please allow us to vote ..on the spot…by raising our hands….to determine the MLB appeals…clearly our vote would be quicker and just as accurate…..Joe Baseball Fan

…Dear Santa, Please send some info to our fans…our weak offense has 86 goals and our strong defense has given up 86 goals…Vlad

…Dear Santa, I can’t even turn in my play book to the LA recyclable center…it doesn’t take papyrus paper…. Jeff Fisher

…Dear Santa, Please send Kurt Warner my award for helping others so generously…George Baily of It’s a Wonderful Life

…Dear Santa, Have the fans give me a break…sure I only have  4 goals & 5 assists but I’m +3 meanwhile Alexander Steen has 3 goals & 16 ast but is -12..Jori Lehtera

….Dear Santa, Please allow the Cardinals to consider using me …outside of catching 1 or 2 times a week…at 3B …a position that I played earlier in my career..kinda like Kyle Schwarber does…play at more than one position…plus it’d free spot for yet another reliever  Carson Kelly

…Dear Santa, Please allow the days of our newly acquired reliever, Aroldis Chapman, to be remembered more for “closing games” than Domestic Violence …NYY Management

….Dear Santa, Please send us some recognition from the community after we represented our school and won the D-III Women Soccer Championship….Wash U soccer players

…Dear Santa, Please send me my usual 10 year old sweatshirt for Sunday wear…Bill Belichieck

…Dear Santa, Let common sense prevail….sure our ratings dropped..how could they rise when we accounted for 46 of the top 50 TV broadcasts of any type in the year 2015?…Roger Dumbnall

…Dear Santa, Please don’t let 2016 repeat again….I’d rather have a sore arm!…..Mike Leake

…Dear Santa, Please allow us to use a voting form on twitter to determine the MLB appeals…clearly our vote would be quicker and just as accurate….Joe Teen-Fan

…Dear Santa, Please open the eyes of the MLB HOF committee. There are currently 13 catchers in the MLB HOF..if I were admitted right now…. with comparison to other HOF catchers..I’d be  #1 in HITS, #2in RBI, #5 in HR,  #5 in RUNS and #6 in career AVG..let me be voted into the Baseball Hall…Ted Simmons

….Dear Santa, I’d like the fans to start talking about me as HOF material….I’ve been in the playoffs 8 of 14 years, passed for over 46000 yards and 297 TD’s…Ben Rothlisberger

….Dear Santa, I know that you’ve been kind to me but I only have 7-9 players who are being considered 1st round NFL picks….couldn’t you get that up to around 12-15….it’d help my recruiting J  Nick Saban

…Dear Santa, Please send someone to me  to explain why I’m viewed as a “weak fielder”?  My fielding % of .981 was higher than Carpenter .979, Gyorko .978, Aledmys Diaz .962, Greg Garcia .961 and Johnny Peralta .980 and I have far more range than any of them….Kolton Wong

…Dear Santa, Send a TU to Ric Flair for demonstrating the flair & showmanship needed  in the ring…which now has led to my success in movies….Dwayne “Rock” Johnson

…Dear Santa, Please send a “nice knowing you” card to Cards Mike Mayers…called up in this year..pitched 5.1 inn, 16 hits, 16 ER….released recently by Cards….a very short and not so sweet career….Eddie Gaedel (midget—pinch hit in 1 AB for the Browns-even shorter career)

…Dear Santa, with all the unfortunate news hovering around Mizzou, why doesn’t anyone in the country know that I won the NCAA cross country race this year? Karissa Schweizer, JR,UM

…Dear Santa, I’m asking for a homecoming win next year over IdaHO…if I don’t get it.. I may get the HeevHO….Barry Odum

….Dear Santa, I currently lead all scorers in D-1 basketball in Missouri ..men and women… from the Lou to Columbia…but no one knows me….please give me a good PR man….Jackie Kemph, SLU women basketball 14.6 ppg

…Dear Santa, I need a job change…I’m getting bored being the best on the d-side…could you get me on the o-side of things…after all this past weekend I was telling…yelling actually.. whatever.. to Pete Carroll about our offense not running the ball….Richard Sherman

…Dear Santa, Please keep the injury bug away for 5 more months…Jayson Tatum

…Dear Santa, Help me to regain my swagger….after all I led the Browns to their only win in the last 365 days…oh forget it….I never lost my swagger….Johnny Manziel

…Dear Santa, Send me a QB…now…right now…my 2016 #1 Jr QB, DeShone Kizer, just declared for the draft and the #2,Malike Zaire,  is transferring…the fans are all over me already after winning just 4 games this year…Please Santa….I need this good QB now…Brian Kelly,ND

…Dear Santa, Please let us become part of the deep post-season run like the other Cleveland teams.. Cavs & Indians…oh wait…we’d settle for a win….the Cleveland Browns

….Dear Santa, Please skip the appeal process in the MLB…it’s too slow…. after the decision its still controversial a good part of the time… oh and did I say too slow…anyway…is it really THAT important over 162 games if a guy is safe at 2B or 3B? Joe Fan—falling asleep-at-home

…Dear Santa, when will this all be over…I want Christmas…..A Reader

Merry Christmas to All !!!

 

 

Comments

  1. Bob, good stuff. Lot’s of funny stuff too!!

    Hope you, Jean and your sons, have a great
    Christmas and New Year.
    John

  2. Terry ryan says:

    merry Christmas and happy birthday!! Thanks for the shoutout to the women in sports!!!!

  3. Bob – You need to put some of this stuff in a book. Insightful and funny. I think it would be very marketable. If you do publlsh. I expect a signed copy!

    Jim

  4. Tom Beauchamp says:

    Great wish list, I have a couple of personal ones to add!!!
    Merry Christmas!

  5. Wayne Trigg says:

    “I BELIVE Merry Christmas & A Safe New Year

  6. Jim Pleimann says:

    Dear Santa,
    Please keep all these athletes/teams from performing as well as fans expect or demand- so that I have this forum to write each week. Bob Ryan

    Merry Christmas Bob. Keep it coming so I have something to do next year. I just sit around and do nothing but wait to get each blog. Keep up the good/fun stuff!!

  7. Amazing post! So many wishes, you would need a dozen Santa’s to pull off some of these miracles! Oh yeah, thought I might add one in for you…
    Dear Santa, Please let my forgetful Kansas City Chiefs fans know how appreciative I am that the NFL does not uphold their domestic violence policies and have allowed me a second chance to become a superstar, rather than working at Payless Shoe store (which should have happened) – Tyreek Hill, KC Chiefs

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