Donald Rump Press Conference covered by Bob Ryan

trump imageDonald Rump enters a room filled with sports writers, looks around, laughs….”Well boys…I have a few minutes between planes so let’s get it going”….but FIRST of all a couple things…

Yea…yea…your Cards have the best team…the best players …that’s why they win…anyone could manage them…..check it out…your last manager to win “NL Mgr of the year Award” was ol’ Tony in 2002…..but how many post season teams have they had since then?…go ahead count them…need my calculator? So was does the manager really mean? Those Birds have the best roster and best players—any of you could do it—oh wait….that might be stretching it too far for YOU guys…..let’s see …let’s really clear the deck…yes…the Rams are going to move….who’s gonna stop Stan…any of you? Or any of your big-city officials or the governor?….right…form all the committees you want…there’s really only ONE man who’s gonna decide….that’s MY kinda leadership….now moving along….

…..oh yea…what’s this crap about having “good young players”?….the last Cardinal rookie of the Year was Albert in 2001….then it goes back to the 80’s with Worrell & Coleman….hell there was even a guy named Matlack (72-NYM) who won rookie of the year….isn’t he the guy who wore blue suits, liked hot dogs, flirted with old women and outsmarted the local DA’s?..ya know….if you writers just knew the game….and the history of the game…you’d know that a St. Louis boy…what’s his name….Roy Sievers…that’s it….he won the 1st AL Rookie of the Year Award in 1949 for the Brownies….if I remember right…he went to Beaumont here in town….right….see what I mean…you guys don’t know crap…..why should I take YOUR questions…who wrote em’ your Dad? Teacher? Some techy kid?

And another thing…who’s the only person to wear the jerseys of all FOUR New York teams…..I’ll let you ponder on that for a while….as I straighten out a few other things….and DO THEY NEED it…

…..you guys can talk and write all you want about Kershaw…hell, he’s not even the best on his team…Zach Greinke is the man…..he’s 9-2, 1.30 era, 131 inn. just 87 hits, 117 strikeouts and only 21 walks….he’s clearly the cy young winner again…yea he won in 2009 with the Royals… and ….here ya go…he’s leaving….maybe the Yanks will finally get smart and pay GOOD players

…what else….why are all you folks in such a tizzy about the Pirates? …they hit even worse than you–.255 as a team…only 1 guy over .285 (McCutheon)…hey why don’t you just walk him in any close game?…why lose to him…when is Manifesto going to wake up? But…I do like his new beard…seems like he always does it on road trips….guess his general doesn’t like it…anyway …now if we could just teach him how to walk without looking like he just got off a horse….

…who’s next… the big-bad Cubbies…..they can’t even plan an opening night and YOU”RE worried about then planning for 162 games…their ace can’t throw to 1B…come on …all Jr high lefties already know that…where’s Lester been his whole life….and who’s that set-up man who can’t wear his hat straight, and can’t throw straight either….Pedro Strop….he’s lucky the Cubbies get blinded by inconsequential numbers…like 40 innings, 22 hits…but man…he can’t swallow with anybody on base…at least they finally cut fastballing, fast-out-of-the-game Edwin Jackson…what a loser…you Cards had him a couple years…what does his agent do….blackmail the GM’s with tapes from the road trips or what? Then these “smart Cubbies” draft a wonderful young hitter, Kyle Swarber, who couldn’t catch a cold while fishing in the nude in Alaska, much less a baseball…he’s AL material all the way….there’s your bright Cubbies looking ahead all right….do they even know that they’re in the NL?…..if they’d be smart let them sign Jon Papelbon….I got that straight from Jim Pleimann…he does his homework that’s more than I can say for any of you sorry guys… let’s see….

….what DO you guys watch anyway…couldn’t you see the hapless CWS flounder for the first 3 innings against Wacha as they continually whiffed at his big hooks landing on the ground…then…2nd time around….they laid off that pitch…bingo…5 runs….he’ll have to start throwing that curve for strikes early in the count……here… (taking out his phone) let me call your boss and tell him how bad you are…..

….and as long as we’re talking those Birds….what could make a hitter “lose” it totally immediately…not over an off season but immediately….and yea…he has a 2 day withdrawal…….have any of you guys even thought about that batter juicing?…come on…you can figure out who I’m talking about….oh wait….those cardinal fans are always in denial…yea.. Mark McGwire didn’t use the stuff, right? He had to actually admit before those eyes straight ahead, no looking sideways, adoring, marching to our tune, almost blindly loyal, fans would believe it.

…oh yea…another thing…how about Kurt Warner’s luck here in St. Louis…it starts they release him after he takes them to their own Super Bowl win in any St louis football team history…he comes back to talk on “Christian Day”….it gets rained out in June….he reschedules it …..this time he has to sit through 18 innings before the can talk….hope he didn’t fall asleep during all those exciting innings when there wasn’t any runs until what…the 13th inning….oh boy…0-0 for 12 innings…was that torture…now that I think about it….a good nap would have been a lot better…. or what?…..

….as he raised open hands with his palms forward and his mouth forms an oval…Donald continues….you smart guys…cover sports every day…ya know I could buy a team….hell, I could buy the entire league…but let the boys have their fun…we men have work to do…..btw….you smart guys …let’s go to baseball history…..rookies of the year….remember you had back-back winners—Wally Moon and Bill Virdon in the mid-50’s but one team dominates this NL Rookie of the Year Stuff…this team has won FOUR straight Rookies of the Year TWICE…..come on…hot shot….oh, oh….oK I’ll let you think about it…

….ya know boys…this is the time of the year that I wish I was a baseball GM….trade time…so many teams deal from weakness…ya know…bad team , no attendance, no interest, overpaid player hitting crappy….these are some of the guys that can be had….remember 1st criteria…bad team…..Milwaukee has Aramis Ramirez and he’s retiring next year so forget about any salary carry-over…heck….maybe even the Cards could use him….Geraldo Parra can hit…. Detroit has a real fire-sale in the making…David Price would improve ANY team…yea, yea he’s a Free agent at the end of the year….I say worry about next year…next year…..the Indians have some decent set-up guys…take Bryan Shaw….pitched around 80 games last year…he’s been in 40 this year, 33 inn, 25 hits, 1.89 era, 30 K’s, 11 BB…get help for that 6th, 7th innings…I think the Dodgers are going to bring in a terrific starter to be their #3 … Buehrle …another St Louis boy…could be “had”…he’s a starter that goes out there every 5 days….did you hear that Jaime? Every 5 days not every 5 weeks…..tail end of career…could help some teams though.

….another question for you “bright” boys…who’s won MGR of Year Award 3 times with 3 different teams…what….oh, oh …I didn’t answer the 1st question….the LA Dodgers you boobs….of course …who else has that huge press corp to brain-wash…oops…educate the voting delegation…even if they need the spell check to have the words listed properly….OK…now …let me think…1993-97…that’s 5 years

…sorry…but you wouldn’t know it was 5 and not 4 anyway… it was Todd Hollingsworth, Hideo Nomo, Raul Mondesi, Mike Piazza and Eric Karros….the other time …it really was just 4 times….1979-82…Steve Sax, Fernando Venzuala, Steve Howe and Rick Sutcliffe.

…before that though…I keep hearing that the Royals can’t hit…well…they are the only team with their top four hitters in their lineup hitting over .280….do you guys do ANY work…or do I have to do it all for you?..

…who was that manager—3X MGR year with 3 different teams ?……before that…would you guys get off Carpenter’s back….you don’t know how to handle people…that boys needs praise, praise, praise….he’s a worry wart to the nth degree….Oh yea…it’s Buck Showalter…NYY in 94, Texas Rangers 2004, last year it was in Baltimore 2014….I guess the final digit must be 4 for Buck to win, heh?….wait …that sounds like a hockey guy….

….the only guy to wear the uni’s of all 4 New York teams was primarily a manager—Casey Stengal….real name was Charles Dillon Stengal….btw…he was from Kansas City…so early in his career he was called KC….it eventually morphed to Casey…he played for the Brooklyn Dodger 1912-1917,NY Giants (as a player) and managed the NY Yankees 1949-60 and the NY Mets…for those of you too young to know of Casey…he was a character and enjoyed a laugh …even at his own expense…for example some of his quotes….first about the Mets

“On his three NYM catchers in 1964: “I got one that can throw but can’t catch, one that can catch but can’t throw, and one who can hit but can’t do either’ or on same team….

“See that fellow over there? He’s 20 years old. In 10 years he has a chance to be a star. Now, that fellow over there, he’s 20, too. In 10 years he has a chance to be 30.”

On himself…”I had many years that I was not so successful as a ballplayer, as it is a game of skill.”

His #37 is retired by the Yanks and the Mets!

……so folks speaking of retiring….my plane just arrived….I’ll be retiring…that means sleeping you knuckleheads….. on my way to my next gig…where ever that is…thanks for the questions..

….any…all ideas, reactions, thoughts are welcome…Donald won’t respond to them anyway…

Comments

  1. Jim Pleimann says:

    I take it your not a fan of manager Mike. He does leave a lot of questions to be answered. Can’t wait to see the next column on the trades at the deadline. There will be some jockeying and I don’t think we will be too involved. But there could be a surprise mid-range starter that MO finds a way to bring in here.
    Question…. How would you like to be the manager of the Cardinals the next year they are close or under the .500 mark? They will call for his head by the June 15 or Flag Day. This town is SO spoiled.

  2. Joe Parisi says:

    Nice interview, Bob! Surprised you were able to get a word in! Cards just picked up Seshek from Marlins for AA player. Rosie could use the help in the pen.
    Still need a bat! Let’s see who Mo can “fleece”.
    If the Donald needs a media consultant, you’re the guy!

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